


DILF

by cleardishwashers



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23128759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleardishwashers/pseuds/cleardishwashers
Summary: based on that iconic post by shitttyknights and kermitlesbian on tumblr abt shitty commenting dilf on bob's posts and jack blocking him
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Larissa "Lardo" Duan/Shitty Knight, Shitty Knight & Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 34
Kudos: 229
Collections: OMGCP Hockey But Fashion Discord





	DILF

**_jacks ass is the 8th wonder of the world and you guys cant change my mind_ **

**_04/14/2017 9:41 PM_ **

**jackabelle:** Shitty.

**shitstain:** yes love of my life my shining star the man i would lay down my life for

**god (of pong and everything else):** lmaooo whatd u do now bitch boi

**shitstain:** i am ur HUS BAND :((

**shitstain:** also jackabelle if this is about my visit this weekend. no u cannot get out of snuggles but yes i will concede and wear boxers

**itty bitty:** Jack made an insta haha

**random:** old man finally caved!

**whole stir:** OMG JACK FOLLOW ME

**jackabelle:** No. The only ones of you I’m going to follow is Chow and Bitty.

**human sunshine:** THANKS JACK!!!!!!!

**nursemaid:** unchill

**carrottop:** Oh my god Nursey

**itty bitty:** Fighting in the chat is a fine!!!

**god (of pong and everything else):** ok but WHAT DID SHITS DO

**itty bitty:** Jack is Compiling

**nursemaid:** hmm. ominous

**jackabelle:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**jackabelle:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**jackabelle:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**jackabelle:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**jackabelle:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**jackabelle:** These are just FIVE examples of you commenting “DILF” on my FATHER’S posts.

**jackabelle:** WHY

**shitstain:** b ecause he s a dilf?

**shitstain:** also PLEASE STOP W THE QUOTATION MARKS

**itty bitty:** [image of jack’s face, red as FUCK]

**itty bitty:** He is SO RED shitty

**itty bitty:** SO

**itty bitty:** RED

**shitstain:** just doing the lords work!

**god (of pong and everything else):** not to fan the flames but

**god (of pong and everything else):** jack

**god (of pong and everything else):** gotta say

**jackabelle:** Lardo you are BANNED from speaking. There was NO NEED to call my mother a MILF and yet you did it anyway

**god (of pong and everything else):** hes not wrong

**random:** HES REALLY NOT

**god (of pong and everything else):** and neither was i

**whole stir:** YEAH

**jackabelle:** You are all dead to me.

**itty bitty:** I am just going to stay out of this :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

**shitstain:** deny me all u want but u know im right!!!!!!

**jackabelle:** Blocked

**random:** omg he knows the interweb slangs

**jackabelle:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight’s profile blocked]

**nursemaid:** oh he was serious lmao

**whole stir:** Bitch doesn’t know any internet slang

**jackabelle:** Why would that be a slang if it’s the correct term?

**god (of pong and everything else):** a slang

**shitstain:** A SLANG

**random:** A Slang

**whole stir:** A slang,

**nursemaid:** a slang.

**carrottop:** A slang

**human sunshine:** guys dont be mean :((

**itty bitty:** Jack i love u but……………… a slang??????????????????????????

**shitstain:** FINE

**god (of pong and everything else):** FINE

**random:** FINE

**whole stir:** FINE

**nursemaid:** FINE

**carrottop:** FINE

**human sunshine:** FINE

**itty bitty:** BETRAYED

**itty bitty:** BETRAYED BY MY OWN SON

**human sunshine:** IM SORRY BITTY DDD:

**shitstain:** wow patricide right there

**jackabelle:** Speaking of fathers.

**jackabelle:** Does my father know of this.

**jackabelle:** Does He

**shitstain:** possibly

**god (of pong and everything else):** lmao dont lie shits mr bad bob likes all of ur comments

**shitstain:** L A R D S

**jackabelle:** …

**itty bitty:** I think you broke him

**itty bitty:** [image of jack lying flat on the floor]

**random:** im crying

**whole stir:** Im crying

**random:** omg bro…

**whole stir:** BRO…

**itty bitty:** FINE

**random:** >:(((((((((((((((

**whole stir:** >>>:(

**random:** BRO!

**whole stir:** B r o

**itty bitty:** Good l o r d

**nursemaid:** _@carrottop_ this could be us but u playin :((

**carrottop:** we have HOMEWORK

**itty bitty:** Ok i think hes better now i gave him some pie

**jackabelle:** I have one thing to say to you, Shitty

**shitstain:** owo?

**god (of pong and everything else):** die omg

**jackabelle:** You’re staying in my house this weekend

**jackabelle:** Watch your back.

**shitstain:** >.<

**god (of pong and everything else):** i want a divorce

~~~~~

**_Old Guys (+Zimmboni) (+George) (+Tater!!!)_ **

**_04/14/2017 10:01 PM_ **

**Zimmboni:** Hey, you guys know how my friend Shitty is coming to the rink tomorrow?

**Tater:** MOUSTACHE MAN!!

**Tater:** TINY PONG GODDESS HUSBAND!!!

**Zimmboni:** Yep, him

**George:** Why do you ask, kid?

**Zimmboni:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**Zimmboni:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**Zimmboni:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**Zimmboni:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**Zimmboni:** [screenshot of @bullshitknight commenting “DILF” on @badbob’s post]

**Marty:** Jesus Christ LMAO

**Thirdy:** That kid’s a riot.

**Guy:** fjdkslfjdlsk

**Zimmboni:** Did you just keyboard smash

**Guy:** I’m hip with the kids, Zimmermann.

**Zimmboni:** Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

**Tater:** HA ZIMMBONI I KNEW YOU LIKE BROOKLYN 99

**Tater:** MARTY OWE ME $20

**Marty:** Omg fine ask me at practice

**Zimmboni:** Can you guys help me keep him at the rink for a little longer tomorrow?

**Zimmboni:** I need to exact my revenge

**Tater:** WILL REGALE HIM WITH TALES OF MOTHER RUSSIA

**Zimmboni:** Cool, thanks.

**Marty:** Just out of curiosity. What are you planning to do to him?

**Zimmboni:** You’ll see.

**Thirdy:** Anyone else get the feeling Zimmboni could be plotting a murder

**Zimmboni:** Haha.

**Tater:** ZIMMBONI DID NOT DENY

~~~~~

**_Jack, Lardo, Bitty_ **

**_04/14/2017 10:32 PM_ **

**Jack:** Okay, I’m ordering the merchandise.

**Jack:** It’ll be here tomorrow.

**Jack:** Bitty, you’ll have to sign for it

**Bitty:** Yessir

**Bitty:** Lardo when r u getting here?

**Lardo:** will leave as soon as im out of class so idk like 3

**Jack:** Great. Thanks for your help, Lards.

**Lardo:** np i miss pranking the fuck out of shits

**Lardo:** living in the same room has shrunk my possibilities

**Bitty:** Good lord, i remember when you filled his drawers with jello

**Bitty:** He woke me up w how loud he was laughing

**Bitty:** Good times

**Jack:** Haha yeah

**Jack:** Honestly he’ll probably enjoy this but it’s the thought that counts you know

**Lardo:** he’ll definitely enjoy it

**Lardo:** he’ll probably enjoy it less when he comes home and finds out he’s not safe here either

**Bitty:** Y’all should put itching powder in the clothes haha

**Lardo:** BITS UR A GENIUS

**_jacks ass is the 8th wonder of the world and you guys cant change my mind_ **

**_04/15/2017 8:59 AM_ **

**shitstain:** guys i absolutely love my new outfits

**shitstain:** [image of shitty wearing a tank top and shorts, both emblazoned with photos of bad bob’s face]

**random:** outfits plural?

**whole stir:** Shitty, outfits PLURAL?

**shitstain:** if that was a b99 ref i love u

**random:** u already know it bby

**whole stir:** **😘**

**shitstain:** yes the glorious motherfucker has replaced everything in my bag with bad bob merch and i LOVE it

**shitstain:** altho its kinda itchy

**shitstain:** actually ykw its rly itchy

**shitstain:** jackieboy tf company did u order this from

**jackabelle:** :)

**_7:12 PM_ **

**shitstain:** hello friends

**shitstain:** it was motherfucking itching powder

**nursemaid:** saw the falcs posts w u…………………… lookin EXTREMELY uncomfy lmao

**shitstain:** BC THEY PUT ITCHING POWDER IN MY BADASS BAD BOB MERCH!!!!!!!!!!

**shitstain:** VERY UPSET :(((((((

**god (of pong and everything else):** [itswhatshedeserves.gif]

**shitstain:** ET TU LARDO!!

**god (of pong and everything else):** et me bitch

**jackabelle:** Lardo you have no room to talk you called my mother a MILF

**god (of pong and everything else):** and i was RIGHT

**jackabelle:** [image of @lduan’s profile blocked]

**god (of pong and everything else):** BETRAYAL????????????

**random:** haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**whole stir:** get shrekt

**god (of pong and everything else):** broskis u know i live w u right

**random:** oh shit

**god (of pong and everything else):** exactly

**itty bitty:** Haha

**itty bitty:** Taste of your own medicine, huh shitty

**shitstain:** OMG NOT U TOO

**shitstain:** BITTY

**shitstain:** ITTY BITTY MY PRECIOUS BABY

**shitstain:** BETRAYAL

**itty bitty:** [itswhatshedeserves.gif]

**shitstain:** im HEARTBROKEN

**nursemaid:** chowder is trying so hard not to laugh omfg

**shitstain:** all of u r just stabbing me in the back 2day huh

**shitstain:** need some time 2 process this

**god (of pong and everything else):** ill b here if u need me bb

**shitstain:** FINE

**random:** FINE

**whole stir:** FINE

**itty bitty:** Fine!!!!!!!

**jackabelle:** Fine

**nursemaid:** FINE

**carrottop:** Fine

**god (of pong and everything else):** you are all invited to suck my balls

**shitstain:** that cheered me up immensely thanks friends

**god (of pong and everything else):** shits u are doubly invited to suck my balls

**shitstain:** ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

**whole stir:** FOINEEEE

**nursemaid:** fine lmao

**carrottop:** Fine

**itty bitty:** Fine!!!!!!

**jackabelle:** Fine, Shits

**random:** ok thats most definitely a fine

**shitstain:** w o w :(((((((((((((((((((((

~~~~~

**_jacks ass is the 8th wonder of the world and you guys cant change my mind_ **

**_04/17/2017 8:47 AM_ **

**shitstain:** [image of shitty standing outside harvard wearing his bad bob merch]

**shitstain:** harvard here i come

**shitstain:** fuckers

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! drop me a line at flybittybooty on tumblr :))


End file.
